we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
