2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
