Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
