I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
