i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
