Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
