I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
