Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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