I cockslap morals
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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