Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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