Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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