I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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