Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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