I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
