HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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