We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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