I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
