I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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