Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
