thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
