So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
