He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
