Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
