I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
