I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
