Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
