What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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