it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
