i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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