why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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