my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
