What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
