I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ok first of all what the fuck
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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