my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
