We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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