nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
