Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
okay pat passed out under dana's car
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
