Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
