There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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