I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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