I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
we made out on top of his cat.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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