I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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