Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
