all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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