Are we in a gay sports bar?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
