Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
