I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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