some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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