guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
