we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
