Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
