i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
