my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I had to cum in my sink.
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